You know that thing you are looking forward to?
Or, maybe that thing you are dreading? Seems like it’s forever away – until it isn’t.
For me, that thing is a double-mastectomy.
In 19 days I’ll close my eyes and wake up with no boobs. Like literally NO BOOBS.
I will be flatter than a tabby stretched across a glass table.
From the time I was diagnosed with breast-cancer last summer until my last chemo infusion on January 17th, my life has been a whirlwind of cancer-related activity. Not to mention still working my job and getting through the holidays.
Now, I’m on hold.
It’s kind of like when you call the bank. You know you need to talk to someone, but you really don’t want to. You wait. And Wait. AND WAIT. Then a disembodied voice finally gets on the line so you can realize those ‘unauthorized’ purchases on your account really were yours from a late night of cough syrup and weakness for Amazon sales.
It’s a weird day-to-day existence at the moment: wake up, seek out coffee, housework, run on the dreadmill (which I secretly love), feed the dog, get ready for work, battle Seattle traffic, work, battle Seattle traffic, see husband for 5 minutes, see teenage son for 1 minute, go to bed, rinse and repeat.
I keep feeling like there is something I am supposed to be doing. Is there an appointment I am missing? Is there some place I need to be? Is someone supposed to be sticking needles in me or taking more blood?
This is the part where I remind myself to just be. I need to enjoy this time, and enjoy the radio silence, because in less than 3 weeks, my life will change once again forever.