Hold, please

You know that thing you are looking forward to? 

Or, maybe that thing you are dreading? Seems like it’s forever away – until it isn’t.

For me, that thing is a double-mastectomy. 

In 19 days I’ll close my eyes and wake up with no boobs. Like literally NO BOOBS.

I will be flatter than a tabby stretched across a glass table.

From the time I was diagnosed with breast-cancer last summer until my last chemo infusion on January 17th, my life has been a whirlwind of cancer-related activity. Not to mention still working my job and getting through the holidays.


Now, I’m on hold.

Bad Betty (me) telling me to hold!

It’s kind of like when you call the bank. You know you need to talk to someone, but you really don’t want to. You wait. And Wait. AND WAIT. Then a disembodied voice finally gets on the line so you can realize those ‘unauthorized’ purchases on your account really were yours from a late night of cough syrup and weakness for Amazon sales.

It’s a weird day-to-day existence at the moment: wake up, seek out coffee, housework, run on the dreadmill (which I secretly love), feed the dog, get ready for work, battle Seattle traffic, work, battle Seattle traffic, see husband for 5 minutes, see teenage son for 1 minute, go to bed, rinse and repeat. 

I keep feeling like there is something I am supposed to be doing. Is there an appointment I am missing? Is there some place I need to be? Is someone supposed to be sticking needles in me or taking more blood?


This is the part where I remind myself to just be. I need to enjoy this time, and enjoy the radio silence, because in less than 3 weeks, my life will change once again forever.

3 thoughts on “Hold, please

  1. deanna221

    Hi Marina,
    My sister and my best friend both had a double mastectomy. The family took care and assisted my sister after her surgery. She has always maintained she is glad she had her “they are just boobs” removed. It was months after my sisters surgery and my best friend of 47 years was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer also penetrated part of her lymph node. She said basically the same thing about they are just boobs. These two are cancer free and no longer live under the dark cloud of cancer. I helped my friend after her surgery took her to work and picked her up and helped drain the tube attached to her after the surgery. She did well after the surgery but the worst part for her was when the doctor finally removed her drainage tube. What I am trying to say Marina is my hope for you is to feel better having the removal surgery. According to my sister and my friend “they are just boobs”! I’m with you everyday (through the radio) and I will pray for you and a speedy recovery! Deanna from the South Sound


  2. RunRideLive

    Thank you so much! I truly appreciate the support (or lack of, if you know what I mean) I know I will get through this, and it especially helps when I know people have my back! 🙂


  3. Pingback: Cancerversary – Run. Ride. Live.

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